Wednesday, May 28, 2008

You know it's bad when even your spam hates you.

A few weeks ago I began receiving spam with the subject line "I have naked video of you, Helen." My reaction, before hitting delete, was good for you! I hope you enjoy it. I mean I'm not getting a lot of play these days so really I took it as a compliment. Then I started getting messages with the subject line "your face looks so stupid, Helen." Well, gee, thanks! Isn't it bad enough I'm in the midst of an existential crisis here? Do I really need to be insulted by spam when I sign on to my email? And what exactly do the spammers expect to get from this? I hit delete so I don't know what the point of the messages were. Perhaps a plastic surgeon offering to fix my stupid face? What the hell?

Mistakes Were Made

Remember when you were young, like just starting college or maybe even just finishing undergrad? Recall how you felt like you had your whole life ahead of you? You were bursting with potential…the world was your oyster, the possibilities were endless. Then life happened and things maybe didn’t go quite as planned. Now here you are fantasizing about winning lotto because all that potential didn’t really amount to anything and you realize that winning ticket has become your last best hope--your ticket out of the job you hate and into the life you always thought you would have. Do you ever wonder how it is you ended up here? I mean was there one huge mistake you made that lead you down this path or was it a series of small missteps? Would my life be different if I hadn’t blown off the guy I met at the orientation dance during my freshman year of college? If I hadn’t started hanging out with guys in rock bands? If I had taken the job at my university instead of in the office downtown? If I’d gone to law school? If I hadn’t broken up with the boyfriend before the Rat Bastard? If I’d never met the Rat Bastard? If he’d never broken up with me? Am I somehow where I’m supposed to be? (What a cruel joke that would be!) Because I can assure you this is not where I ever imagined I’d be. I keep waiting for my “real life” to start, but as John Lennon said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” And all that "I've got my whole life ahead of me" optimism is fast becoming frantic despair--hence Lotto as a viable option. As I’ve said before, mistakes were made. I just wish I knew exactly what they were so I could undo them!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Dismal Time of Year

With NCAA basketball but a distant memory and fully three months until pre-season football, what is a girl to do? Oh sure, there’s baseball, but I’m sorry…it’s boring. I have tried arena football and I reject it totally. I’ve often flirted with hockey and feel there could be a connection there, but really have yet to develop any sort of passion. I’m still angry with the Lakers and refuse to jump on the band wagon just because they’re doing so well right now. Plus, NBA ball is just not as exciting to watch as college, IMHO. Beach volleyball is back, which is great. It is one of my favorite sports. Unfortunately TV coverage is limited to the final which means we get to see Rogers and Dalhausser destroy one team or another week after week. It’s a shame there isn’t more coverage considering they diminished the sport by switching from side-out scoring to rally point scoring so it would play better on television. The game just isn’t the same since the switch. Of course I still watch, but I really miss the good old days when teams could fight their way back from a huge deficit and make an exciting game out of it. Comebacks like that are pretty much impossible now and I admit I don’t follow the AVP as closely as I once did.

So for me, this time of year is just spent longing, pining actually, for Fall and the start of football season. I guess the only upside to this long dry spell is how exciting it is when football season finally arrives! Those first few weeks-- when every team can dream of making the playoffs --are like being reunited with a long lost lover. You are so happy to see them, of course you forgive how they let you down last season. This is a brand new year, a brand new team and you are all starry eyed, believing that this time things will be different. This year you will go all the way! It is a beautiful thing, but for now all I have is anticipation (just like Carly Simon sang about in those Heinz commercials!)