Saturday, August 29, 2009

10 Signs Your Life is Seriously Fucked Up

1) You've given serious consideration to setting yourself on fire in front of your mechanic's shop as a form of protest over taking your car in four times in five weeks. Okay, maybe you weren't that serious, but if this thought even occurs to you, I'm guessing it's a bad sign.

2) One of your closest friends says that meeting David Tennant was probably the best thing that's ever gong to happen to you. Oh sure, she tried to backpedal and denied that she meant that you had no hope for future happiness, but that's what she said.

3) There is mold growing underneath the linoleum in your bathroom.

4) You've decided to tell people you're divorced because it is so much less stigmatizing than saying you've never been married at your age. Never mind that your longest relationships (9 yrs., 6 yrs.) were actually longer than most marriages. People look at you sideways if you reach a certain age without ever having had the opportunity to blow thousands of dollars on a party celebrating your undying love for someone you eventually can't stand the sight of and engage in a nasty divorce battle (not that you're bitter or anything). Seriously, being divorced once meant you were damaged goods. Now it means you're normal while still single means there must be something really wrong with you.

5) You tried going to therapy, but your therapist yawned throughout the sessions. Apparently, even someone you were paying to listen to you found you boring.

6) Someone gives you a cats & books tote bag as a gift. (see old post: http://becauselifeisshort.blogspot.com/2009/02/life-as-stereotype.html)

7) Only six people read your blog.

8) Your way of "getting over" on the powers that be at work involves you working late and on the weekends so that you can keep billable hours for yourself now that the head office has been hording them.

9) Your reclusive friend who hates flying is actually game for attending the Toronto International Film Festival. You have mandatory meetings and training sessions you can't get out of.

10) You've come to the point where your only requirement for a potential partner is that he will drag the bins to the curb on trash day. Still no takers.

4 comments:

Kate, Dating in LA said...

LMAO!!!! Ok, first, that's not what I said. Second... yeah, change might be necessary. For instance... Toronto sounds like a better idea than training.

Dee Murray said...

I've seriously considered setting myself on fire in front of my mechanics shop!!! No one should have the same car problem twice, let alone more than that. The mold thing is bad. Training is not nearly as fun as Toronto. And Canadians are lovely and funny! I smell a vacation that turns into a stay-there-cation coming on.

Sean said...

I think you might be on to something with the telling people you're divorced thing. It's actually an OK option, especially if you're actually able to marry legally. Oh, by the way, you can tell people that seven people read your blog now!

Chelsea Clark said...

I just got divorced and joining an online dating service has revamped my love life and social life all together!